I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
