Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
