You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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