You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
