Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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