I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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