my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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