Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
