Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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