Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
