he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
