her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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