he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
