I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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