Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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