I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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