Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
