I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
