i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
