Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
