you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
