it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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