Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
