Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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