last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
