My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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