He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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