Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
