I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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