I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
