what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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