Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
