your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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