you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
