walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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