Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
