maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
