Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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