I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
