At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
