I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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