i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
