no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
