Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
