We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
