She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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