where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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