Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
