he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
