I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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