Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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